There was a moment in my life when I thought I would never be able to heal or repair the phycological, physical and emotional scar, that I carried around with me for so long, like a tonne of bricks.
I freely blamed others for hurting me, when I should have held myself accountable for breaking my own heart.
Yes! I broke my own heart. Also, Yes! I swallowed my pride and calmly picked up my shattered heart off the floor.
You see I prided in myself by repeatedly saying; “I was a good woman.”
Indeed! I am without being boastful — a good woman who freely gave her heart away and lost her power. You see; I was very vulnerable at some point in my life. I was disappointed with how hopelessly in love I was.
I stood by men and people who were mistreating me because after all, that's what good women do right?
Instead of walking away from pain and hurt, I allowed myself to be hopelessly in love because I didn’t appreciate and love myself enough.
So; one day grace whispered to me; “Arise and become who you are, its time to take your power back.”
I composed my sorry behind together and finally did what a good woman should do, which is respecting herself enough to say “F You.” Pardon my lingo. Lol!
I am respecting myself enough to reclaim my power which I freely gave away.
I am respecting myself enough to say that I am unapologetically wholesome.
I am respecting myself enough to lose it all and walk away from damaged souls, who were hurting me because they too are hurting themselves.
I am respecting myself enough to respect me and finally start loving myself.
You see behind every good woman is pain and suffering. There will come a season in our lives that we have to shed our old ways and embrace who we are destined and created to be.
I had to acknowledge my pain and made no excuses for my desperate behaviours.
I had to walk away from arguments that lead to anger and violence.
I had to walk away from people who repeatedly put me down, to boost their ego.
I had to walk away from licking asses, pleasing people who never valued me or saw my full worth.
Do you know that adopted personality of wanting to be liked and praised?
Yes! I freely sacrificed all of that and more, to finally embrace and value my new becoming.
The thing with self-cleansing and purification, you will feel like a lone ranger.
While on my self-cleansing ceremony, I sacrificed and embraced my newly found power.
When I say; “I am a good woman.” Damn, right I am!
When I say, you are; “ A remarkable woman of substance.” Damn, right you are!
When you have known pain and suffering, and you have travelled far from madness to find yourself finally, understand and believe, you need nobody to complete you.
You should by now be passionately in love with yourself.
So; to all my queens out there. Never lose or decapitate your head falling headlessly in love.
Never give up your power to anyone. Not your partners. Not to your lovers. Not to your husbands, friends and family.
Know; that once you quickly give up your power, you have lost your balance, your essential foundation.
Loss of power leads to eroding of your mental, emotional and physical well being.
Self-esteem goes on an extended vacation. You start feeling unease and resentful to yourself and others around you.
Giving up your power to some people or someone can be very comfortable, but it never feels right. Trust me!
Loss of power is a nasty habit that you may be repeating without knowing it.
Have you had this experience, where you are out on a shopping trip, maybe on a busy weekend?
You are casually strolling the mall, and you see people giving away free products that are on promotion.
These sales reps can be a bit annoyingly lovely, and often we feel guilty turning down their generous offers. We take that product that's on promotion from them, without saying no, because we want to be nice. We look for a nearby bin, and we toss that product away.
You are not an item on a promotion that people take and toss away.
Start looking closely at yourself; “My good woman,” and how you are showing up in your relationships, be it at work, or in love.
If you are the kind of woman that’s always on promotion, its time you need to start working on rebuilding yourself and stop giving away your power.
Stop betraying yourself and your happiness by negotiating with your sense of integrity.
Start caring and loving yourself.
A good woman knows her worth, and she won't decrease it.
Photographer: Ade Okelarin
Art Direction and Styling: Crystal Deroche
MUA: Nathalie Guest
Jewellery Designer: Anita Quansah London